Yesterday’s News

i dreamed of fire and smoke
standing in a disappearing room
eaten away by flames

the floors started giving away
when i saw you
slumped in a chair
dead as a doornail
apparently having
started it all

the sparks of destruction
still igniting
from your fingertips

i can feel my lungs
slowly fill with the dust
of what once was
as my throat
starts to burn
and it is then
i realise
there’s no point
in coughing
for i too
am already dead

Fire Starter

it was my father
who taught me
that love was not

but that it had to be
like everything else
in life

your father taught you
that you were

that you needed
to man up
get a steady job
pay the bills
die quietly

no wave making
ripple effect

but you
my love

were always
meant to be
a fire starter

and this is why
you would always
before you
even arrived

Pissing Blood

she pisses blood

i don’t feel so well
she said
her face is grey
her hair so greasy
as her eyes
turn inward
looking at what once was

where’s my husband

he died

she pisses blood

he died?


i try to clean her up
but there’s a lot
and she can’t lay still
or won’t
i haven’t decided yet

you are butchering me
she says
sweat on my brow
trying to keep
her insides inside

i’m sorry
i say

and all she says is
she pisses blood

On the 11:08 to Rotterdam

i’m a plant today
with my head
pressed against
the window
eyes closed
soaking up
the october sun
while the girl in the seat
next to me
clings to her coffee
and stares at her

i have this bad
of looking at
the work of others

she’s writing
a thesis
about god knows what
and i think of myself
ten years ago
at art school
and wonder
if the boy
in front of us
ever showers


zus died yesterday
we say in her sleep
but the truth is
her lungs started
filling with fluid
and she needed
and phone calls
with doctors
because life
is sometimes
messy that way

zus was almost
a century old
with very little hair
left on her head
but a lot of joy
in her eyes and
a certain clarity
of mind

the last time
i saw here
i bumped
a wheelchair
against her table
it made her

zus means
sister in dutch
which she still was
but her last remaining
sibling lost
her mind
a long time ago
which means
zus will live on
as long as she does
and we will
stop reminding her

zus told us stories
about the traveling
she had done
in her time
the americas
and asia
and a lot of europe

it’s funny how
we think it’s ours
until we run out of it

we stand in her
little room
relics of the people
she lost are everywhere
there is a picture
of a black and white couple
in a rowing boat
on her wall
a younger version
of her and
what i assume
was her husband

there are souvenirs
from her travels
smiling faces
of the children
that came after her

zus lays
in bed
her nails
painted red
and a fake blush
gracing her wrinkly
little face

i can’t believe
how alive she looks
i say
god they were

we look at her
in her best top
and i realise
my mind
never really
accepts the bodies
they leave behind

i see their
chests rise
long after
their hearts
have stopped

shame we can’t open
her window
my workmate says
she would have loved
to hear the spring birds