Spotlight

my brother’s
pancreatic tumour
started to bleed
and that friend
i told you about
had a blood pressure of
seventy over twenty

holy shit
i say
even though
i am really tired
and had a shitty shift
and really just want
to go to bed

holy shit

and i think of the musicians
and the actors
and the models
and the influencers
talking about corona as if we are all gonna live like this forever
and their lives are over
because they thrive in the spotlights
and people don’t need them
when they are too busy
just surviving
and then i look at my workmate
and there is no spotlight
but despite the pancreatic cancer
and despite the deadly blood pressure
she is getting ready for a nightshift
at the care home
and i wonder
where her spotlight is
where the cameras are
and where the fans
are hiding

Pissing Blood

she pisses blood

i don’t feel so well
she said
her face is grey
her hair so greasy
as her eyes
turn inward
looking at what once was

where’s my husband

he died

she pisses blood

he died?

yes

i try to clean her up
but there’s a lot
and she can’t lay still
or won’t
i haven’t decided yet

you are butchering me
she says
sweat on my brow
trying to keep
her insides inside

i’m sorry
i say

and all she says is
she pisses blood